Mary Magdalene, Wednesday 17 May

I don’t know where to begin.  I feel more confused than ever, yet at the same time it seems everything is starting to make more sense.  The future looks more uncertain than it did a few days ago, but somehow things are falling into place and I have new hope in my heart.

The Samaritan dropped by today and had a long talk with my husband.  I shouldn’t keep calling him The Samaritan; that’s what Jesus and Tom do, as if his race somehow makes him less human than us.  He’s called Cyrus.  I had been resigned to Jesus going back to Nazareth to carry on dreaming his life away while I stayed here running the farm to keep myself occupied and produce an income.  I don’t want to lose him and have even considered selling up and moving to Nazareth to be near his family, but I don’t think it would do anything to improve our relationship and anyway, I couldn’t bear to lose the peace and tranquillity of this place.  I never tire of seeing the sun rise over the sea or hearing the waves lap gently on the shore in the evening.

Anyway, I seem to have somehow agreed to providing free lodging and meals to Cyrus for the next two weeks, then extending the arrangement if Jesus wants him to stay.  I have also agreed to sell him my entire crop of grapes when it is harvested.  The price per bushel is on the low side but the certainty of having a buyer for the entire harvest more than makes up for it.  Cyrus calls it a forward contract.  Apparently the conditions here make for better grapes than elsewhere, meaning he can sell the wine he makes from them at a premium price.  And I’ve told him he can have all the dried fish he wants, free of charge.  While he’s here, Cyrus will help Jesus prepare for his mission to save the human race.  I shouldn’t smile, but it’s only my hopeless husband we’re talking about.

When Jesus was about to leave I felt desolate.  Sometimes I think it would be better if we just divorced and never saw each other again.  But the good times are so good I wouldn’t miss them for anything, so I suppose I’m stuck with things as they are and I’ll just have to make the best of it. This mission is the only thing he’s ever shown any enthusiasm about for any length of time, and with the help of Tom and Cyrus he might actually make something of it.  I’ve even decided that if he proves he’s serious about all this I will offer some financial and general support.  Maybe I’ll be able to get a little closer to him if I show more interest in what he does.

The beauty of the arrangements with Cyrus is that Jesus will stay here for a lot longer than he would have done, and who knows, he might grow more attached to the place, and even to me.