I couldn’t get to sleep last night, disturbed by anger and despair, a racing heart and a swirling mind, and when slumber finally settled on me at dawn I didn’t wake till nearly midday. My hot feelings have been replaced by cold. Resignation has started to creep in, accompanied by something I have never really experienced before: doubt. Peter and Matthew came to see me at different times today, but I couldn’t face speaking to them. They can wait another day. If the Son of Man arrives in the night we might not be fully prepared, but at the moment I couldn’t care less.